CARE.CHECK*: What do you do when you feel stuck?
What kind of thoughts do you entertain?
What feelings show up?
What stories get replayed and which beliefs get reingrained?
Albert Einstein is believed to have said: “I think the most important question facing humanity is, ‘Is the universe a friendly place?’ This is the first and most basic question all people must answer for themselves.”
And so I ask you, do you believe that Life happens for you or against you (or completely randomly)?
Do you trust what is or do you feel at war with the world?
I hope this week’s letter will allow you to look at this from a different angle and maybe experience the answer to this question—instead of asking your brain for what it thinks.
I love you.
In case this letter gets cut in the email, you can click HERE to read the full post now :)
IF YOU WANT TO LISTEN TO THIS INSTEAD, you can use Speechify, an app through which this Care.Check letter can be read to you by a Care.robot.friend :)
Hi Care.Friend,
How. Are. You.
And as usual, I’m really asking. I want the long answer. I want every detail, every layer, every nuance. I want all the colors—including EVERY shade of gray. I want the shadow and the light.
How are you?
How many masks do you feel you have to wear?
How many roles do you have to play?
How soft and open does your chest feel?
And how fierce and lively does your heart feel at the center of your chest?
I’m doing very well. I’m still high on all the energy that my reimagination process freed beneath my skin… And I feel both deeply grounded and inspired by my sacred dream and that deep dive I took into the well of inner light that is always, always, available at our center (I wrote about our spark and sacred dreams HERE).
I’m humbled once more by the benevolence that comes from shadow work. By witnessing how the more I lean into my shadow, the more I see that there is nothing to fear or be ashamed of, ever. Just some misguided beliefs I inherited, from those who had not known how to question them before passing them on. Just some unhealed wounds, in need of a hug and loving patience. Just some thought errors that can be healed by the Soul energy that created all of us and beats our hearts. That energy that is us.
Indeed, I don’t believe we have a soul. I know we are one. What we have is a body, a mind and a heart. What we have is an ego—that perceived sense of self that is anything but who we truly are, and yet, that encompasses the unique features we came to Earth with. And each and everyone of these features counts.
They’re meant to be grown and nurtured into flowers of love we can then share with our beautiful world, and/or to be alchemized into roots of wisdom that allow us to take deep gentle care of ourselves and serve the whole.
All of us is good. All of us SERVES. And the moment we start doubting that, we feel disconnected, lost, vulnerable and so so alone.
But we’re anything but.
We’re interdependent, cherished, cared for and so supported… At all times. By all there is.
We just need to remember that the world is built from the inside out—and that we can only receive what we believe we’re meant to receive. That’s right. In a deeply unconscious and innocent way, we tend to stand between all that we’re yearning for and all that can find its way into our experience.
We’re the master of our lives in that way, because we control the switch that takes us deeper into the experience of love or cuts us from our source of Life. The switch between the scarcity trap, and the remembrance of abundance as the Truth that Nature mirrors back to us everywhere.
* The more I lean into my shadow,
the more I see that there is nothing to fear or be ashamed of, ever.*
One thing that I decided last week was to revisit all my current circumstances after applying a different filter onto my perspective. Going from the inside out, I zoomed in first on what I believe at the center of my core.
And I believe that Life is kind. With every fiber of my being. I believe that Life is unconditional Love. I believe that all is here to guide us either further or BACK into Love. I believe that all is good and loving—and that only our understanding of it can be flawed.
My sacred dream is to sing (and write!) in New York. I’ve always known that. Even when I was steadily walking in the opposite direction. I had convinced myself back then that dreams were meant to be tamed and forgotten, so I overlooked our connection, but nothing can make us lose touch with our dreams!
Our dream is the energy that beats our hearts… Our dream is a part of us. We were born for it and we will die either holding or living it.
So I knew. I just didn’t remember that I knew, but I knew. My dream was to sing (and write) in New York.
And so going back to logic: if that is my sacred dream, my reason to be here, and if Life is always on my side and guiding me so that my dream can come to form, it has to mean that everything that feels like an obstacle to my dream right now is actually part of the path. There’s just no other viable explanation.
It means that what I’m labeling as an obstacle is anything but.
And that reminded me of what Byron Katie always says… “Honey, do not turn a blessing into a curse.”
* All of us is good. All of us SERVES.*
One of my favorite mantra to ground myself in is “Nothing has gone wrong here.” There’s no better reset.
Every time I encounter something that my endearingly dramatic mind calls a catastrophe, a death threat or the end of the world (!), I tell myself: Nothing. Has. Gone. Wrong. Here.
And at the very least, it makes me pause!
And my brain goes on a rant: “Wait, what? Are you kidding me? You’re saying this was part of the plan? You’re saying that this is good? That’s what you’re going with? Really? REALLY!?! That person being so mean suddenly... That pot of coffee that just repainted my white dress? That water that destroyed my neighbor’s apartment? Those ten hours of work that just got deleted… That crushing disappointment. That pouring rain, when I have no shelter! That [pick your tragedy]. You’re saying that “nothing has gone wrong here.” Huh. Well you could have me fooled quite easily.”
Sometimes the resistance is too big and I don’t push it… It is not about brute force or toxic positivity. But most times it brings back some much needed humor to the situation. And very often—if not always—it allows me to see things differently almost immediately.
Relying on that mantra has changed everything for me. I never loved “All is well” because it felt like inner gaslighting when things were falling apart around me, but “nothing has gone wrong here” reminds me that I can’t know what this moment is enabling to happen next. That Life is permanent movement, and that this is all so much bigger than me! That some of my rock bottom moments have been the stepping stones that got me where I am now, singing, writing, in love with New York… and reconnected with my sacred dream.
It all serves. It doesn’t always feel sweet and comfortable… No. But that’s the way it is. Sometimes what serves feels like a hug and some much needed encouraging words, and sometimes what serves feels like a dentist appointment.
* We control the switch that takes us deeper into the experience of love
or cuts us from our source of Life.*
Which brings me back to his idea that our mind can misguidedly turn blessings into curses on a daily basis.
When we don’t see the lesson. When we don’t see the value that a circumstance brings into our experience, because we’re blinded by the unmet expectations we overcoupled with it.
For instance, if you’re an artist with a muggle job, you might forget everything that that job is giving you if you focus on how unfulfilling it is! That makes sense. BUT what if the unfulfillment was actually a bonus? Stay with me.
I love seeing those jobs as investors. They’re investing in our dreams…
Now picture a situation where the investor on your project needs you to spend all your days and nights thinking about them, creating for them, nurturing them and loving them. Well, your life will then need to be dedicated to the investor and not to your dream!
But if the investor leaves you cold and bored, and if the investor feels uninterested in building anything deep with you, that means you don’t have to offer anything to the investor but the minimum that is required for your job to get done! You even get to keep the yummy feeling of gratitude for what the job does offer you (funding for your sacred dream and livelihood) all to yourself. That means you can keep the muggle job into a neatly organized box, that takes very little vital energy from your day. It just becomes a somewhat time consuming activity, and nothing more. It can then hold the same place in your mind and heart that the laundry part of the week [assuming you don’t consider laundry as one of the highlights—after all, why not?].
* I believe that all is here to guide us either
further or BACK into Love.*
It’s hard to believe at first, but it can really be a blessing to have a job you really don’t love! Because all that love is spared, and can be invested in all that truly matters to you. Yes, a blessing. Even if on paper it sometimes looks like a curse.
That is if we can remain EXTREMELY intentional with our thoughts, and remember to not judge that place we don’t belong in. That is if we can entertain the realization instead that that place is the golden bridge that will get us where we’re meant to be. When our mind is not trapped on analyzing everything that doesn’t work, we can focus our hearts on manifesting the way out. We can recommit everyday more to what makes us feel alive and magical. We can use it as redirection—while staying there for a little while longer if there’s no way to skip it for now.
We can see it as Earth school. We can take notes during the day of the thoughts we’re thinking and get curious about the feelings they bring. We can commit to understanding what about that place makes us feel that way, and use the contrast between what we desire and what we experience to shape our next chapter. It can fuel our journey inward, so that we can know for sure what we truly want to do and start embodying who we’re meant to be.
In my moments of discouragement, I often think about how Nelson Mandela turned a literal prison into an enlightening experience. How he found himself and then the strength to transform the world, by accepting and surrendering to what he couldn’t change. How accepting and surrendering to what couldn’t be changed at the moment, allowed him to change us all a “few” years after that.
“Honey, do not turn a blessing into a curse.”
Byron Katie
To find our inner well of soul energy in a soulless environment.
To turn non love into love.
Those are the calls I want to answer…
Not in the name of martyrdom! Not if there’s an open door in front of me, and a room full of songs and sunlight waiting for me on the other side of it! But anytime I appear to be in a room I can’t escape from right away.
I choose to trust that Life knows better than me what I need—and that if I’m kept in a room WHILE fully committed to my sacred dream, that has to mean that that room serves my dream. It cannot be the other way around. It. Can. Not. Be.
* Nothing has gone wrong here.*
And so I want to invite you to contemplate now a situation that feels stuck or painful or unfair or unbearable in your experience right now. Please choose a situation that feels inescapable. You’ve tried everything. There’s no way around it. Staying feels awful or it is just not an option. Leaving feels like dying or is just not possible. It feels like there’s a locked door facing you no matter which road you take.
I invite you to also zoom in on your sacred dream—if you happen to remember what it is right now.
If not, I invite you to home in on the feeling you most want to experience right now. Is it feeling loved, lucky, at peace, safe, healthy, cared for, inspired, engaged, on purpose? Do you have it?
Now hold that dream and/or feeling with your whole heart. Rock it gently with your breath until it can settle in at your core. Delight in the experience of it… Bathe into it. Give yourself permission to fully connect with it for a few seconds. As if it was already so.
And finally ask your heart—not your weary mind! Your. Heart. How is this situation instrumental for my dream to take form or for this feeling to become my inner experience? What am I not seeing yet? How can I see this differently?
* I can’t know what this moment is enabling to happen next.*
Please do not look for an answer after that. Just promise yourself that you will let yourself RECEIVE the answer.
Do not give yourself any timeline! There’s no rush. No endgame.
Just trust that this question will be answered. That something will shift—maybe today, maybe next week, maybe next month. That a song, a book, a friend, a teacher or a sudden insight will suddenly come and let you know what it was all about! Just trust that the answer will come without you ever having to look for it. Without forcing yourself to believe that what feels awful is now yummy and fun! No. Just wait and see if anything shifts or changes, organically.
Maybe it will happen quite rapidly and maybe it won’t happen at all. But in any case you will have built a little crack in the belief that this situation/thing or person is out there to get you… and wherever there’s a crack, some light comes in. And there’s no stopping the healing that even one drop of light can offer to our surroundings.
So trust that process as if your life depended on it my dear Care.friend, because it DOES.
* We can recommit everyday more to what makes us feel alive and magical.*
I am awed by how it works, how it ALWAYS works—even when I’m adamant in the moment that it had no effect at all.
One morning I wake up and I just see things differently. I suddenly feel the urge to do the opposite of what I’ve been doing... I hear my brain go ballistic and argue that I’m going to get us killed! But I ground into the smile I feel within my heart and anchor into the quiet joy and sturdiness that I feel at my core.
And I push the door once more…
That’s when I witness in awe that the door is not locked anymore! That it’s not only wide open but that the view is beyond anything I could ever have hoped for.
Ground into your dream and surrender to life. Again. And again. And again.
Just try it.
It’s not something that is meant to be believed, it’s the magic of Life that is ours to experience.
Enjoy…
* I CHOOSE
to trust that Life knows better than me what I need.*
With kindness, love and light—because I truly believe they’re our most sacred offering to this world.
Always,
leo