I'll accept all of you, and none of this.

An example of how words hold little energetic worlds depending on the meaning we give them. Let's choose ours wholeheartedly.

Hello my caring friend,

How are you today? What’s new? What’s tender? What’s exciting?

Today, I want to write about one of my favorite subjects… Words. Those little energetic worlds that can turn our lives into a golden paradise, a hostile desert or a frozen land. How, depending on what we make them mean, we can change the spell they cast on our perception—and how we can receive their wisdom or let them open wounds that might never heal.

And specifically I want to write about the word ACCEPTANCE. Because it can be such a loaded concept… and it can also be the most sacred adventure. It will also be a great example of how the power of words can be fueled by our ego or ignited by our soul. How words can be filtered through the mind or experienced by the heart… How they can turn into a curse, a blessing, a complaint, or a prayer. How they can be understood or destructive.

There are two levels of acceptance indeed. One feels like a failure or a burden, the other like a holy calling. We can use acceptance to gaslight ourselves or to open our hearts. We can use it against our will or as a gateway into essence.

*** ABOUT ACCEPTANCE

As Magical Maya Angelou taught us: “If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude.”

One way to do that is through ACCEPTANCE, and it can be the most freeing realization! or a torturous act of self-defiance…

• Acceptance is spiritual when dealt with through the body’s wisdom.

• Acceptance is an egoic tool when we deal with it on the level of form. 

Indeed, acceptance is meant to allow us to zoom out from the narrowed vision offered by our little corner. It calls for a deep breath and a pause. Acceptance is meant to open the door to curiosity and compassion, which are our doorways to regulation. We stop resisting, we accept what is, and we pause. 

We pause, even if only for a minute, and we ponder:

“How can I see this differently? How could something good come out of it?

Even if I have no answer to this question, can I trust that maybe, just MAYBE, there is something I cannot perceive or understand that explains why this is also serving me—no matter how much it hurts right now, no matter how much I wished it hadn’t happened?

Now that it HAS happened, how can I make this work?”

Acceptance is meant to ground us in the humility needed to live out this human experience. Acceptance is meant to lead us into our connection with a higher power, a deeper source of knowing, a new paradigm or perspective.

Acceptance is meant to make us stop and consider what is, until we can remember that what is is—and that’s not something we can change. We can, however, change both what we make it mean and how what we want the next arc of the story to be. 

Acceptance is meant to be acceptance of Life. Life as a whole. Life as it manifests in you, in me, in those we love and in those we wish we didn’t have to interact with. We’re here. So are they. Let’s see what good can come out of it. Since right now this is the way things are, let’s decide that this is the way they should be.

It’s not about defeat, it’s about choosing where to put our energy:

• Fighting what is and cannot be changed—“at all” or “yet”?

• OR flowing with what is, until what is can feel more gentle, meaningful, lively or joyous?

Acceptance can ground us into Life or drive us into survival mode.

*** WHAT’s TRICKY with ACCEPTANCE

The problem with acceptance is when we make it about concepts instead of facts (which includes behaviors) and when we make it conditional (which includes making it UN-conditional).

The second acceptance can be earned or lost, we’re back in ego. And whether we attach giant strings to our acceptance or tolerate abuse of any kind, we’re not in alignment.

Acceptance of all human beings? Yes, absolutely. Acceptance of all behaviors as a fact? Yes. Acceptance that what happened happened? YES, what other choice do we have? Acceptance that what has ended is over and that what has begun is in motion is the only way to grieve, rejoice and be at peace—for better and for worse, and in sickness and in health.

THAT Acceptance is both a spiritual practice and a worldly pursuit worth pursuing.

Now, unconditional acceptance when it regards the way we treat ourselves, others and how we get treated in return? Of course not. Acceptance of all human traits as a necessary part of our experience? NO! Acceptance of all behaviors from those we allow in our inner circle? Absolutely not.

We can accept that someone is behaving like a jerk, because they are, and not accept to be treated like we don’t matter—because we do matter, and we do have a choice. 

Acceptance in the spiritual sense will allow us to witness what’s happening and find a way out, as soon as possible. Acceptance as the ego sees it will either lead us into war if we withdraw it, or into abuse if we trick ourselves into believing that any condition to acceptance is unholy. That’s because, once again, we use the same word for two different things.

And we do that a lot… So many people call love what are attachment dynamics, trauma bonds and power plays. And they believe that Love is a problem, closing their hearts to it… which means that Love, real Love can never enter—and they cannot heal what they’re trying to avoid experiencing. 

We are meant to accept people as they are now, yes, AND it doesn’t mean we’re meant to stay near them in that moment (or ever again).

That’s a very thin line to look for here, but it makes a world of difference: Acceptance can indeed lead us to Heaven or trap us into Hell.

Both rejecting someone and tolerating too much from someone hurts us deeply. Both rejecting ourselves and tolerating too much from ourselves can kill us. And rejecting the beauty and benevolence of Life is a tragedy…

Understanding that Life is on our side, and that things will always turn out okay in some way, is the beginning of awakening. And it’s also the surest way to experience a lucky twist of fate. 

*** ABOUT OUR THREE CHOICES

Eckhart Tolle explains that at any time we have three choices and three choices only to stay anchored in our presence and connected to Peace.

• Enthusiasm is the most joyful experience—and a connection to deep joy (which is different from a shallow sense of pleasure) is a sure sign that we’re in alignment!

• Enjoyment is the next “best” state of being—not that there is a right or wrong of course, but when we flow with life, our experience either feels joyous or meaningful, and therefore at the very least enjoyable.

• Acceptance is our third option. 

Acceptance is called for when we cannot enjoy where we’re at at that very moment, and when we cannot change what’s happening immediately.

We accept. We relax into what is.

We feel the pain, the anger, the frustration, the anguish, the worry.

We accept because not doing so only creates resistance and negativity in ourselves—and for all those around.

Eckhart also reminds us that if we cannot find it in ourselves to accept what is, that's a sign we have to leave. That’s a sign that, at least for now, this is not who we can be, what we can do, where we can stay, where the path leads.

Any other state than enthusiasm, enjoyment or acceptance will drown us into ego and unconsciousness. And that’s a high price to pay.

And on top of that, not being able to accept a situation is a very important information for us to be aware of!

Let’s take the example of a task we abhor: We can’t enjoy it and there’s no way to reach enthusiasm about it. We know this much.

Now, can we accept that? Can we accept that this is what is asked from us right now?

If we CAN: accepting and doing it is the only way to find peace… and to come up with a creative solution to edit it out of our to-do list.

• After all, accepting what is now does not mean we cannot choose to change it in a moment.

• And beyond spirituality, this is backed up by science: True acceptance gives us access to a regulated nervous system, and only then can we access our own compassion, curiosity, courage and confidence. Only then can we access what we need to meet our needs. Only then can we step out of survival mode—and start responding instead of reacting. 

If we CAN’T accept it: we must have the honesty and integrity to face it.

• Doing it screaming and kicking only makes us sick and drives any source of help away.

• And interestingly when we accept that we just can’t accept something, acceptance often kicks in. We suddenly see that there was a way out all along! We just couldn’t see it from a state of resistance. Or we see that we CAN accept this until it’s over, we just thought we couldn’t.

• It also allows us to realize that the ladder we’re climbing was never ours to climb, that the relationship we’re trying to build was never meant for us, that the project has to stop, the conversation end, that we’re not seeing what we’re meant to see.

Only by accepting someone’s way of being can we reach the part of us that knows that it’s okay and that we can find a way to stay, that that person won’t change but our expectation that they will can disappear—and that it will be enough for us to adapt to them, to what is. That’s how we can also TRULY love them (and not only love the idea we cherish of who they could be).

Also, only by accepting someone’s way of being can we reach the part of us that knows that it’s never going to be okay and that we need to find a way to leave. We’re just incompatible… and no one should have to change against their will for a relationship to succeed.

I hope something inside you also noticed the difference of how acceptance FEELS, when dictated by the ego or inspired by the truth of who we are. How one feels tightening, asphyxiating, heavy and infuriating. How one feels like relief, spaciousness, freedom, love… peace.

I hope I did a good enough job with putting into words such subtle nuances.

I hope that, at the very least, you feel invited to ponder what acceptance means to you, and at which level you want to experience it: as a tool of control… or as a sacred dance with what is.

Happy Thanksgiving to those of you who celebrate!

And may gratitude warm up your heart today and any day in any case.

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Care.check: Take a moment to journal about what comes up for you after reading this or to discuss it with a loved one.

Check how the word ACCEPTANCE resonates in your mind, and how it feels in your body.

And at least once this week, in a moment of anxiety or doubt, pause for a few seconds and witness how accepting what is happening could help you see the situation differently.

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With kindness, love and light—because I truly believe they’re our most sacred offering to this world.

Always,

leo