In her deeply thought provoking book, Dare to lead, Brene Brown explains that we need to get crystal clear on what our heart’s two core values are.
Yes, I know… 2. 2? 2!
How can we choose only two? Well, when you realize that your core values should dictate every thought, behavior and action you ever think, embody or choose to do, it starts to really make sense. Here’s how I like to look at it to make it very easy for my mind to understand the concept, and for my ego to accept that it is, once again, about quality and truly not about quantity.
Think about those values as pillars that support you through your life. Each of them is protecting, uplifting and guiding the plant of one of your feet.
Mine are kindness and truth.
People tend to expect me to say bravery and love, or optimism and respect, because I do try to embody those principles. So it helped me rethink this several times, at lens. And every time I want to convince myself that two isn’t enough, or that no one can go through life “without choosing love first”, I come back to the same truth: my core values are, first and foremost, kindness first and then truth.
I believe that love wins with every fiber of my being, and that no matter what we do, say or think, we never lose our right to respect. That we must try to find it in ourselves to love and respect everyone and everything we encounter. I believe that hope is magical, that it works! That there is always a bright side, and a rainbow in every cloud. I even believe that clouds are beautiful… I AM an optimist.
However, I do not believe that everything is fair in the name of love, especially if it’s unkind! I believe in respect, because it is always the kind thing to do and because I respect the truth each of us carries and embodies in their own way. It’s that truth that I look for ,to find respect even for those I would feel very justified not to respect at all... And I am team Optimism. Always. Optimism is my guy. But, even when it breaks my heart to acknowledge that I cannot see the bright side just yet, I have to! Because truth does come first. I am brave… it’s true. But it never felt like a choice. It feels like a reward and a survival skill. I will do the brave thing if I have to. But I will not do the brave thing just because it’s brave. I will feel that I have to in the name of my truth, or out of kindness towards my heart or yours.
Love, respect, optimism and respect are values I cherish, follow, ask for mentoring and clues on a daily basis and I try to jungle with their advice as gracefully and dexterously as I can; those are values I focus my intention on and that my heart wants to understand to guide me towards every day more; those are bright lights all around me transforming the time of darkness in starry nights, and they’re compasses I hold on to every time I lose my way or leave my home. Those are friends I hold very dear and never want to lose touch with. Those are my life journey. Those are my values.
But they’re not my core values. They’re who I love. Not who I am. They’re where I’m going to, not where I’m coming from.
Kindness and truth are my core values. Truth is my right foot, kindness is my left one. They’re my oxygen, my inner beacons, my happy place, my integrity. They’re how I want to be with you and what I need you to believe in to feel safe around you. Kindness is my feminine energy and truth is my masculine one. Kindness checks everything first and then truth, guided by kindness, gets to make all the decisions. Kindness and truth are how I can be loving, respectful, optimistic and brave. They’re the steering wheel and the motor, the most important components without which my car of values is not going anywhere anyway.
Kindness is where I try to begin and truth where I always aim to end. And I’m not perfect, I make a lot of mistakes -or at least a lot of missteps- but if I can look back on the situation and acknowledge that I was, at least, behaving kindly and that it was aligned to what I thought to be true at that moment? I can forgive myself.
I can forgive myself and understand that I made a bad decision, without concluding that I am a bad person… that I am bad. I can trust that I have what it takes to fix it! Kindness and truth are the remedies to every disease in my version of the book of earth. Because if you’re true and kind, to me, it means that at least you’re trying! And trying is all we’re asked to do in this world.
We are always and only asked to try our best. Because that’s all we can do anyway. So if I was kind and true and loving and respectful and optimistic and brave all day? I will feel at peace at night. I will feel pure joy. I will bathe in gratitude for my Creator’s guidance and integrity when I wake up the next morning.
Yes… That’s the goal, the whole package, the best days of my wildest dreams. That’s also not everyday. No matter how hard I try. No matter how much I pray. I’m just not there yet. I’m optimistic of course (!); but I’m also humble enough to know that it’s not, as of now, realistic at all times for me, my ego and all our conditioning and fears.
Now if I was loving, respectful, optimistic and brave but lied? I will feel guilty.
If I was loving, respectful, optimistic and brave but unkind? I will feel shame.
If I was kind and true, but falter in any other area? At the very least, I will find compassion and grace.
Guilt and shame trap us in ego. Compassion and grace guide us back to love. So in a nutshell, kindness and truth are my gateways to love.
Our core values are our guardian angels that allow us to choose love over fear every day. Our core values are our safety nets, our roots that allow us to weather any storm, our wings that take us over any cliff, our inner guides, mentors, advisors and best friends. There can’t be ten voices in our inner angelic committee... We wouldn’t hear them!
God gave us a built-in alignment system, and He/She of course made it a practical, simple, tender and effective one. One we can rely on to ease our way through life… Not to make intuition even harder to follow than our mind's endless chatter. That’s why there can only be two of them.
For us to know them… hear them, and for us to be safe.