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Humility has in fact nothing to do with modesty. And true receiving is giving. (It's a confusing world.)
Hello my caring friend,
A lot is changing for me right now. A lot of narratives are being rewritten and when the beginning changes, the end has to change too.
This is why we call this breaking cycles.
What got me here can only get here.
And “here” was my dream a few leos ago! But the leo I am today wants something that looks similar in many ways but FEELS quite different, to say the least.
Can you relate? What are you exploring right now?
What did you learn in 2023? What do you want to learn in 2024?
And maybe even more importantly, what do you want to unlearn?
As usual I’ll share my answers first, hoping that by watching me open the most secret door of my heart, you will feel inspired to do the same—anchored in safely, thanks to this page.
* When the beginning changes, the end has to change too.
This is why we call this breaking cycles. *
** ABOUT 2024
Every year I ask Life to send me a word that will lead my way through the coming year.
Well, that’s not exactly true, at first I chose it.
I started this practice in 2021, and my word was “Intention.” It changed me and my daily life in ways I don’t have time to describe... It changed everything.
After that, I decided that I would let Life pick my words for me:
I downloaded my 2022 word with no subtle resistance or fake enthusiasm: It was… “Humility”. I knew right then that 2022 would be brutal—and 2022 delivered. It was magical and life changing for my soul energy… and felt like the harshest trash course I would ever take in Earth school.
Humility is ego work in its most intensive form. So I knew it would bring on some vexation and challenges; I was resigned. I was prepared. And with preparation came excitement! BUT what I had not foreseen is how different humility is from what I have been taught to believe it to be.
** ABOUT HUMILITY
Humility is not modesty. Modesty is a function of the world of form... Modesty requires comparison and an outside player. Humility is a journey of reconnection to the deepest truth within us.
Humility requires as much strength as radical tenderness. Humility is just as much about realizing that we’re less than we think we are as it is about understanding that we’re so much more that we believe we can be.
To its core; humility is not about bowing, it’s about surrendering. Those are very different. In the first one, you release all power. In the second one you step into yours, while letting go at once and forever of control.
Because surrendering means relinquishing all control AND it also requires showing up. For every conversation. For every so-called twist of fate. It requires a deep dive in the unknown, and calls for enthusiasm while doing so.
It demands that we accept that we can’t understand why not getting what we wanted is a blessing, nor why getting what we didn’t want is too. We are asked to trust. NOT to understand… and that feels very different.
Now, that’s not all of course! We must accept at the same time that getting what we wanted also means that we are worthy and deserving of it. We cannot shy away from joy, appreciation and relief. We must show up for it and embody it fully.
There’s no hiding, ever or ANYWHERE.
* Humility is just as much about realizing that we’re less than we think we are
as it is about understanding that we’re so much more
that we believe we can be.*
Modesty on the other end is lazy. It doesn’t ask for our truth, it only asks us to stand clear from the results of our light. It’s not noble. In some ways, it’s even weak.
Now, humility is all but passive. It asks of us to acknowledge how sacred and powerful we are. And humility reminds us that we are not more sacred or powerful than anyone else. Humility means to witness what the divine can do through us. Not for, not with. There’s no separation with the world of spirit.
Humility entails the recognition that, the only way for the divine to do what is meant to be done, is to get out of the way. We must be a willing participant in the holy scheme of things and become a channel for love, an instrument of peace.
We must also care for our ego so much during those times, that it doesn’t feel compelled to defend, attack, or make it mean ANYTHING.
Humility is the journey of a lifetime of course! But in 2022 it taught me that it’s not about releasing control of others or circumstances only—that part I was eager to learn about—it’s about releasing control over ourselves first and foremost.
It requires finding our way back to that inner center, our alignment, our wholeness… It requires trusting the process, yes, but mostly it requires trusting ourselves! The hardest thing to do in a culture that asked us to divorce our inner knowing before we learned how to talk or even walk...
To understand and embody humility, we must reconnect with who we are beyond all concepts and stories. We must know that we CAN be trusted and therefore learn how to trust and reparent ourselves. Those two come hand to hand… You can only trust someone you know deeply and someone who cares for you wholeheartedly.
* You can only trust someone you know deeply
and someone who cares for you wholeheartedly.*
** ABOUT THE NEXT WORD
2022 led me to Roma, on my knees, and ready for a new chapter like a child awaiting Santa. That’s where I learned that 2023’s word would be “Integrity”.
To be honest, I had hoped for “Savor” or even “Joy” (why not?): a girl can dream… And not all dreams come true at once.
Apparently there was still a lot of inner work to do before that! Integrity it was… my intuition was adamant. And I was okay with that. This time, I was not resistant, I was intrigued and excited.
And, of course, 2023 too delivered: It was the most enchanting, gut wrenching, raw, deep, mind shifting, chainbreaking and transformative year I’ve ever lived through.
I am forever changed… and I was hoping that 2024’s word would be “Rest”! After all, I do need to learn how to rest. I’m not tired, I’m exhausted. And I look the part... The mirror confirms it every time we meet.
And resting is HARD! It would have been a profound experiment. I was very proud of myself for asking... I felt brave and on purpose. I was sure God would agree.
God did not.
I received my 2024 word on Thanksgiving.
Yes received… as a first 2024 assignment.
My 2024 word is indeed “Receiving”.
RE-CEI-VING. (sigh)
* We must be a willing participant in the holy scheme of things
and become a channel for love, an instrument of peace.*
** ABOUT RECEIVING
I think I feel more terrified than I was by Humility. If anything I feel unskilled, unprepared and on my way to an entire new way of living. One that I don’t know how to prepare for, because I’m not even sure I know what it means.
Which makes sense: I am NOT skilled at receiving. I am still struggling to identify where the “over” starts in giving. This is not the end of the spectrum I’m comfortable with. This is a land I have never explored.
Sitting with a compliment for more than a minute—okay 10 seconds—without saying something (preferably even kinder) in return feels life-threatening to me. There is nothing that can get me out of my body quicker than pure joy or witnessing an actual proof of love towards my heart.
And I am surrounded by people who have a heart so warm they could melt the Antarctic. I count among my friends some of the most affectionate, generous, loving and caring beings one could wish for. I’ve had many opportunities to witness that Receiving does not come naturally to me! They’ve been trying to teach me for years... I made progress! I started the journey. I took a few steps forward. But not enough to receive any points—apart from those you get for trying.
Last year one of my best friends turned one of my photographs into home decor, as a way to support my creative journey. It took me a week to get it out of its box when it arrived… and another one to allow myself to put it on my wall. It then took me a month to give myself permission to rejoice in how beautiful it looks! I’m still not completely sure it’s permitted to this day.
Last week a Earth angel sent me one of the deepest proof of love I ever received. A letter that restarted my heart in the most healing way. And well.. I still can’t talk about it out loud. Not even with her! That’s how scary receiving feels to me.
Receiving requires so much more vulnerability than giving. That’s why wise teachers remind us that receiving is giving. It’s giving full access to our hearts! To receive, they MUST be wide opened.
Receiving is the bravest act we can ever ask our inner system to show up for.
Receiving means accepting to feel true love and gratitude. To LET Love in. Knowing that we’ll only be sure it was love indeed after welcoming it genuinely. (Scary.)
And when you mostly received lies, cruelty and denial as a child, it also requires reopening a door that had been closed for very valid reasons—whether that door still serves or not is besides the point, because you can only figure that part out by opening it.
A few hours after receiving my receiving word, and as I was asking for confirmation that my intuition was not lying to me—as if intuition ever lied—I watched a little clip from a vocal coach who reminded us singers that singing is first and foremost about the sacred experience of joy, and not about performing or connecting with others… It’s about connecting to our deepest essence… which she proceeded to call “RECEIVING” our singing.
That’s what I love with the God of my understanding. The signs are never subtle. She’s not making it hard to RECEIVE guidance. Byron Katie calls it “clear, simple, directions” and they’re all around us. We’re never alone... That’s why I trust Life a lot more than I trust my fear. I respect Fear! and I move on towards love anyway.
* Receiving is GIVING *
** ABOUT THE PROMISES OF MY HEART
So here’s my pledge to learn to receive.
I pledge to learn how to receive authentic help, and to unlearn that help is always a power play from someone who’s trying to control me, gain absolution for the shame they feel after mistreating me—or any unprotected child for that matter—or to force me into helping them again when I try to take a step back from doing 80% of the relationship’s work.
I pledge to learn how to receive joy and pleasure, WITHOUT thinking that I’m only meant to be a bridge between the giver and a “rightful” receiver—be it my best friend or a stranger.
I pledge to learn how to deeply receive the love of those who love me, and to trust in my ability to know what true love feels like—if only because I’ve received and still encounter enough fake love to know what that feels like.
I pledge to receive my singing, my songs, and those enchanting words that take birth in my heart, and dance in my inner world until they can find their way out into the world, through my voice or my fingers.
I pledge to receive wholeheartedly the magic of this universe that I am so good at witnessing.
I pledge to receive the guidance that I don’t want to receive from those treasured teachers called Anger and Grief that we are all so prone to fear, disparage, attack or dismiss.
I pledge to receive the care that my heart is urging me to receive from me—and to stop giving all of my love away as if I was not allowed to let my own light reach me.
I pledge to receive support when a storm floods my inner world and/or my surroundings.
I pledge to receive the unwavering support of my amazing friends and trauma coach when it rains, but ALSO when it shines. (Joy deserves support too.)
I pledge to receive the hints that my heart, creativity and humanity are not safe with someone or in some places—even if that someone or place has once felt like a safe haven, or when I had high hopes that they could become one.
I pledge to receive sleep, nurturing food, enchanting surprises and the time and space to deeply release, relax and rejuvenate.
I pledge to receive the assignments that Life—who loves us beyond measure and is the only “one” in charge of making the world work—requires from my body, mind and heart, while I’m on Earth.
I pledge to receive the pearls and pains from my healing journey and to marvel at every step.
I pledge to receive all part of me as they are, as they choose and need to be, with all their nightmares, fears, limitations, magic and dreams. I want to feel it all now.
I pledge to receive the stillness that lives at the center of me and the flow of awe that breathes me and that we call energy.
I pledge to receive every opportunity to let go, to empty the drawers of my traumatized psyche and to purge the horror frozen in my weary body.
I pledge to receive every hug, every kiss, every embrace, every feeling that feels like a return home or a holy renewal.
I pledge to receive every chance to rewrite the narrative from the perspective of the soul, of Compassion, of the timeless wisdom that lives beneath our skins and of Unconditional Love—our essence, our origin, our destination, our well of safety.
I pledge to receive you, here, with all my heart, vulnerability, authenticity and willingness to reflect back to you how precious and extraordinary you’ve always been and always will be—for as long as you want to visit and choose to read and trust me.
Care.Check: Will you choose a word for 2024?
A reason to wake up, a compass to guide your days and a promise to return to each night and each morning?
And do you want to share that word with me and what it means to you and for your journey?
With kindness, love and light—because I truly believe they’re our most sacred offering to this world.
Always,
leo