The next right thing

the way of the heart

CARE.CHECK*:  

What is the way back to you?

Have you made sure that it’s well paved, lit up and easy to follow?

Did you build an inner Ariadne’s thread that can withstand any dark weather, earthquake or rupture in your sense of self? 

We cannot remain centered and regulated all day long. That’s just not the way it works… and it’s not meant to. This is why our nervous systems are able to stretch and move us between survival states and center. 

But our mind tends to forget that the PRIORITY is to come back home to ourselves whenever something pushes us off our track. So I hope this letter will feel like a loving reminder on how to find the way back.

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Hi Care.Friend,

What do you do when you’ve been gut punched?

Especially when you’re not sure of why, of what you’ve done, of where is your fault and where is your innocence?

When you’re left with dealing with the aftermath… but again, you’re not sure you understand what happened and of what to do now?

What is your go to self-care resource or coping mechanism? Do you go to what feels healing or to what will numb you the fastest?

Do you fall into hyper-independence, codependency, isolation or do you reach for the help and support you need and always deserve?

What happens NEXT?

Where do your thoughts go? How do you meet your emotions—if at all?

Those are deep questions to ponder… and it might be good to have figured out the answers in advance, because we don’t do our most intentional thinking or healing when in the middle of the storm.

A few things caught my attention this morning as I navigate such a weather at the moment:

I thought about the beautiful song from Frozen II, sung by Kristen Bell’s Anna, when she finds herself stuck in a dark and humid cave while believing that both her sister and her snowy best friend have passed away (aka a bad day).

It’s called The Next Right Thing:

“I won't look too far ahead

It's too much for me to take

But break it down to this next breath

This next step

This next choice is one that I can make”

This small excerpt feels like a powerful anthem to help sing our tears back into hope.

I also remembered Luis Mojica’s latest podcast episode (one of my favorite trauma healing teachers), where he shared this important reminder that when we find ourselves ruminating, it’s a pretty sure sign that we’re not ACTUALLY facing actual threat—no matter how scared and unsafe we’re feeling at that moment.

Because the body takes over in acute moments of danger: We cannot think, we ACT—we move or we play dead. 

Which explains why his invitation is to come back to our surroundings when we’re ruminating, and to look around ourselves and find something to ground our attention onto so that our body can recharge and fuel us with a felt experience of safety.

And finally it reminded me of the practice of Authentic Movement (I wrote about it HERE), where you only follow the impulse of the instant and let your body and your intuition be the sole captains of the cruise you’re on.

Because “why?” solves nothing… and only fuels our confusion.

Liz Gilbert likes to remind us that “why” is not a very spiritual question. It feels productive. It feels NECESSARY! But it changes nothing and keeps us stuck.

“What now?” is the question that unlocks our power.

“What now?” is the key to finding our way back into our heart and to find there the solace and relief we’re so eagerly yearning for.

So putting it all together, when we’re walking barefoot through a foggy darkness, and only too aware that there is glass on the floor, the answer is not to stay anchored in the past. (And even ten seconds ago is the past!)

It happened. Nothing can be done about that part.

There’s no fixing what already is.

All we can do is believe that—no matter how impossible it seems at the moment—only good will come FROM this.

That doesn’t negate how horrible it feels! But it reminds us that we never have much perspective in the moment on what is shaping our current story.

So all we can do is surrender to what already is… and do the next right thing.

And how do we figure what the next right thing is?

By blanketing our mind with love until it can quiet down, and by letting our body take over.

We need to ask questions that serve…

• What do I need to do, Body, to proceed, to integrate, to move past this, to heal?

• What do I need to do, Body, to recenter, to come back into my heart and reconnect with my gut where all the answers await my terrified psyche?

• Who feels safe right now?

• And what feels nourishing, grounding, soothing and regulating?

• What type of food or movement will help me remember who I truly am—beneath the armor, the overactivated protective mechanisms and the crippling dysregulation?

• What IS the next right thing?

• How do we move through this and then how do we get past that?

Today’s letter is a very short one because when the unexpected happens we tend to be short on time, and because my body has been craving movement, slowness and a little love cave.

But after lunch, I knew that the next right thing was to go to the Flower Cafe and write to you all. Because when we feel like our resources are low, we must NOT fall into the trap to stop doing what we love most! 

After all, Love is only ALWAYS the next right thing. And there’s no right thing that doesn’t first stem from love.

Please take great care of you and resist the urge to label self-care as the last of your priorities whenever chaos arises!

Because our world’s experience truly is built from the inside out—so the more challenging it gets, the more we need what we need most: a nervous system that feels cared for and nourished and that is deeply rooted within our heart.

With kindness, love and light—knowing that all three are born in the sacred darkness that we do not need to fear anymore.

leo